why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
