so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
