Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize