I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
did you just send me my own nude
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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