Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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