ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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