Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
They took my balls.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
