Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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