I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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