remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
either way he was missing a nipple.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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