my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize