Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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