Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
