I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
