So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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