I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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