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• (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

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• (347): View more from New York

  She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  Awwwwwww!

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I use my feet as sexual weapons

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese

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