There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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