He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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