i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
