The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
