Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
