Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
