Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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