One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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