My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
