do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
