dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
