i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
