we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
