Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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