I want to have your abortion
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
