so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
