Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
