That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
