a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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