On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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