singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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