I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
