Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize