You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
