are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
