how can u be prego again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
