i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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