i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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