I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
