Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
