girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
