i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
