youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
