Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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