When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
