i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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