stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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