Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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