omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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