shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The ass gains better be worth it
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