A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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