FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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