apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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