you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
