if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
