so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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