he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
