im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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