Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
