I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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