Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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