Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
