Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
