I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
