i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
