So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
