Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
