yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
