why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
