I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
