I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
