no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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