Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
