Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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