I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
