I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
