Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
