I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
