I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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