You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
