She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
