bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
