I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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